Wet: Giving Lady-leads a Bad Name

Game Type: 1 Player Action

Available: PS3, Xbox 360

From: Artificial Mind and Movement/Bethesda Softworks

Okay friends, here’s a nice short one. Wet follows the antics of Ruby, a supposedly highly trained assassin as she embarks on a revenge quest for some reason that never gets fleshed out. She’s a sexy, slender lady with acrobatic prowess and skill with both swords and dual weapons. It’s nothing for her to take out 100 enemies in a room and not get hurt a bit. Or at least, that’s how things would have played out had they worked properly.

Let me continue by posing a question: is this REALLY the same company that gave us Fallout 3? How does a game that took me almost 100 hours to complete with intricate textures being produced all the way put out this kind of game? It’s downright unfair is what it is. When I see the Bethesda Softworks tag, I expect quality, not quantity, and as anyone with a small statistical knowledge will tell you, that’s not the way to do things.

So here we are, introduced to Ruby, who is supposed to be an unstoppable killer, but comes off more like a trapeze artist at Cirque-du-Soleil. There are two ways to tackle this game: run and gun, or twirl and shoot, the latter of which sets Ruby into a blood mode where everything turns a shade of red and slow motion ensues. In order to initiate this slow motion, you need to jump through the air, spin around constantly, use the various poles that every town seems to have jutting off every building like parallel bars, or roll around on the ground. Whether in blood mode or not, you have access to a sword for melee attacks and duel pistols or sawed off shotguns to decimate your foes. Sounds like a good idea right? Well in theory, it’s not very fun at all.

You see, as soon as your acrobatic stunts stop, so does the slow motion. From here, it’s nothing but a sub-par third person shooter. Furthermore, the stunts get old fast; I didn’t feel like playing after a couple hours, and cursed the impulse buy on top of my dislike for the game. None of the mechanics, acrobatics included, have been fleshed out very much, nor has the story. In fact the first three levels have you chasing the same villain, and the rendition of Viva Las Vegas in a rock-harmony gets old after the first 30 second run-through.

Melee combat is lame as can be, using just the square button to attack. You can upgrade all these qualities, but the upgrades do little to enhance the game play. And to add one more bit of craziness, you can run around collecting monkeys that play tambourines (you remember the little wind up toys) for… well I never figured out why, that’s the stupid part. At one point Ruby was riding on the top of cars down the highway chasing after the aforementioned three-level-long bad guy, and every time you jump blood mode ensues. In fact, if I remember correctly, every time you jump period the slow motion ensues. It’s just stupid, flat out stupid. To finish, what sounds like an exhilarating car chase turns into an exercise of your patience, as the cars swerve back and forth and the only way to aim properly is to jump a whole lot.

I really cannot recommend this game to anyone. With so much excellent content out there, it’s hard to believe this game could be released. If you’re read my Matt Hazard review, this game falls into the same category, that being the “should have been cancelled” genre. With games like Fallout 3 in Bethesda’s catalog, I wouldn’t be least bit surprised to meet someone from their studio and have them never admit the existence of this piece of trash.

Graphics: Nothing spectacular or even a shade thereof. This game falls somewhere between bland and trying.

Controls: They work fine in terms of controlling the character, but you never feel like you’re controlling the game around you.

Story: Pure joke-like trash. I’m all for powerful women, but Lara Croft set the standard, and even her more recent outings that didn’t fare too well blow this goofball away.

Multiple Play: I’ll stick by my standard “if you can play it once I’ll be surprised” rating here.

Total: 32, F