Sunday, March 28, 2010

Eat Lead - The Return of Matt Hazard: More Like Hazardous Waste

Available: PS3/Xbox 360
Game Type: 1 Player Action
From: D3/Vicious Cycle Software

Eat Lead poses a big problem I see in gaming: horrible software coming to a powerful gaming platform. I'll preface the plethora of problems by saying games of this nature, positively broken, should be yanked from the market through the stringent review boards and polish teams involved in the creation process. I can understand a publisher not wanting to lose every dime they spend on a new IP, but isn't that why Betas get tested and games take years to release?

That being said, the gist of this game revolves around a would-be '80's action-game star Matt Hazard and his supposed triumphant return to glory after a slew of popular games followed by an equally unpopular run. This opening sequence is the only charm I can find in the game; the titular sequence shows Matt's star in games mocking a range from Bioshock to Mario Kart. It's amusing at first, but quickly devolves into slapstick humor and one liners where Mr. Hazard likens the size of the guns he uses to the size of his member; classy stuff Vicious Cycle, very,very clever. Speaking of one liners, a stereotypical Black-guy boss even says "Name's Sunny Tang - As in Sunny 'yo a** is gonna get kicked, and Tang as in [he makes the karate sound 'wuh-tang!'].'" If anyone can discern the meaning of this statement I'll sell my first born.

So under this flawed concept, Matt returns to video game prominence only to have his game hacked and thus ensues a mishmash of every genre imaginable: Western, Zombies, 2D Nazis, there all there, and while I expected some variation in their fighting prowess, nothing changed. The Goombas in Mario Bros. pose a much greater threat, that is when your enemies aren't shooting you through pillars and cover.

Speaking of cover, there might have well have been none. The cover system is atrocious, strike that, flat out broken. Whether you want to get into cover or jump around a corner, the opposite happens. On the off chance Matt does as he's told, the aforementioned ghost bullets hit you anyway. As I said, horrible, and completely unacceptable.

The music skips, the graphics glitch, and the textures are shady. And the lip syncing? I haven't seen any of these factors hurt a game this badly since PSone, but at least in those times these problems were acceptable.

Bottom line: stay away from this game. You'll get more laugh and far more enjoyment from stomping your millionth Goomba, not to mention more of a working challenge.

Graphics: On the Playstation 2 these graphics would have been awful. As a current generation game, it's downright atrocious. How games like this get released at the risk of tarnishing the developer and publisher's reputation is beyond me.

Controls: If the graphics are awful, the controls are garbage. Within the first minute I thought it was a great idea to have the ability to slide into cover and roll off it into the next good spot, but theory and practice have different meanings. I think broken pretty much fits the bill here.

Story: Please refer to the "wu-tang" statement made by the ludicrously stereotyped villain Sunny Tang. I will say there was a bit of charm in the picking-fun-at-other-games way, but it wore thin almost as quickly as the buggy controls.

Multiple Play: I suppose if you can make it through one play, you could play a thousand times. Then again, if you can gouge your eyes out and enjoy it, why not do it again?

Final Score: 24/100

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Dante's Inferno: This is Why Cloning Should Be Banned

Available: PS3/Xbox 360
Game Type: 1 Player Action
From: Electronic Arts/Visceral Games

I thought it only fitting after giving God of War III an A+ that it would only be fitting to speak of its near cousin, Dante's Inferno, however mutilated that cousin may be. Now before I speak too ill of this game let me be clear. Had this game released before the original God of War, it probably would have been a fun experience. As it stands, however, DI is nothing more than a clone of the God of Games.

The source material involves Dante, a mere mortal, chasing after his love, Beattrix, through the nine circles of Hell. In Visceral's game, Dante, a tough as nails, show no mercy warrior sleeps with a peasant whilst on a mission and thus curses his love, who gave Dante her purity out of wedlock, and thus damns her for all eternity. So Dante embarks n a journey through the nine bland and repetitive circles of Hell. Had I not been clearly told what circle of Hell I was in, the environments and demons would not have clarified.

Aside from this poor attempt at a cohesive story, everything from the combat, the minigames, right down to the special abilities like magic has GOW written all over it. Light attack/heavy attack combos? Check. Grab moves? Check. Using a ranged weapon for mobility. Well, you get the point. Even the camera operates on the GOW tried and true unmoveable-for-the-sake-of-cinematics method. As I said, for an original, it's gaming heaven. As a rip-off, it's really quite sad. It seems Visceral Games played a lot of a great game, and phoned in their own, all the while forgetting to add foot notes which results in a plagiarized game from start to finish. Even the health/magic boxes and minigames are direct copies!

Of the very few positive ideas this game brings to the table is Redemption. Upon grabbing one of the repeated enemy types you will encounter, upon grabbing them Dante has the choice to condemn or absolve this soul. Unfortunately, this one added mechanic really devolves into garnering small amounts of extra EXP for the branching good and evil trees used to level up Dante's arsenal. And guess what? Even these are repeated. You only have to level up your holy cross a couple times before you realize its just shooting out another beam. Not very inventive, Visceral, and certainly not engaging.

If you were looking for something to hold you over while you anxiously await that moment when you get your hands on a copy of GOW III, don't be fooled. You will get a better experience from you umpteenth playthrough of the other three Sony Santa Monica titles than even a rental could warrant out of this game. It seems all this game has accomplished is taking an epic poem and turning it into an even greater epic mess.

Graphics: Bland environments that revolve around shock value rather than good game design (yeah, we've all seen bare breasts in games before, how shocking) and even more bland character models, which becomes even more obvious when these baddies
show up a dozen times per circle.
Controls: They certainly work, but there's nothing new going on here.
Story: As a translation of a historical literary work, it's awful. I'm all for creative freedom, but remind me, was Dante a poet or a crusader!?
Multiple Play: Aside from the branching good and evil powers, I'd be surprised if you made it through one time let alone multiples.

Final Score: 47/100

Saturday, March 20, 2010

God of War III: The Illiad of the Modern Age

Available: PS3
Game Type: 1 Player Action
From: Sony Computer Entertainment/Sony Santa Monica

Few games can satisfy us these days. Whether the length, graphical prowess, or ingenuity therein, I am rarely left feeling nourished. Then came March the 16th of 2010. Sure, unleashing that final Omnislash on Sephiroth aptly ended one of the greatest sagas in Final Fantasy VII. And who could forget the final moment when you first made that miraculous lunge over Bowser's head, only a small miscalculation away from the famous black and white game over screen from Super Mario Brothers, and finally reaching the ever elusive Peach. Few moments come close to these amazing relics of games past, but as anyone who played GOW I or II can attest, Kratos has a knack for defying disbelief. That and the Rulers of Olympus no doubt. Every game I play and love nowadays, I feel this constant yearning for more. Better graphics, a longer experience, always more, more, more. Finally, a bit of gaming nirvana, Alysium if you will, comes along, and though I dare not imply I've had enough, this is a conclusion of a saga that makes sense. All questions are answered, all enemies quelled, and our hero is finally at piece.

When we last left Kratos, he and the Titan Gaia were scaling Mount Olympus to combine their strengths in an effort to exterminate Zeus and the rest of the Olympians. This is GOW III's biggest accomplishment, the sheer scale of that which Kratos battles. No more weakling Leviathin boss-battles. No more ten person bouts. We're talking huge. Remember the Cyclops' from GOWII? Now you'll engage five at once. Remember those pests with the double sided scythe staffs? Enjoy fighting six at once while they launch lighting attacks from every direction. And by the way, these are the "small" battles. Obviously Kratos takes on the Gods, but you'll also see a familiar face in Chronos, the Titan from GOW I who was sentenced to carry Pandora on his back and wander a desert for all of eternity. How big is Chronos? (Spoiler alert) Let's just say three or four dozen Kratos copies could stand on his finger nail. How's that for the magnitude of size I'm trying to convey.

Combat has always been a strong selling point for the series, and a benchmark for the Action genre. GOW III sets the bar so high, I'll be surprised if anything coming in this generation of consoles can come close. Through the campaign, Kratos finds three other weapons to assist his trusty Chain Blades which are now called the Blades of Exile. Unlike the previous three games, these weapons are not only necessary to take down certain enemy types, but they are in most cases as fun to use as the Blades of Exile. While I'll always be partial to the blades, my favorite addition is the Claws of Hades, which act in a similar manner to the Blades of Exile. Not only are these new additions to your arsenal a welcome compliment to the already ferocious combat, but the ability to cycle through them on the fly adds to the enjoyment and variation of the combos. Add in another four items that are usable on the fly, and Kratos turns into the God of War he was once so named. In my nine hour play through I reached close to a 200 hit combo, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find reach 300 in another play-through.

The story plays out nicely, never ceasing to amaze. Whether gutting a herd of centaurs, climbing through the innards of a Titan, or dismantling the Great chain that holds Olympus and Hades in harmony, this game delivers jaw dropping moments on par with anything I've ever seen. Combine that with the most intestine strewn gore-fest this side of reality, and you have a perfect recipe for gaming amazement. From the rediculously realistic light bloom to the pores on Kratos' face, the graphics are quite possibly the best to date, never yielding a single frame per second.

So if you're a fan of Greek mythology, a God of War fan, or simply one who enjoys a fantastic game, and let's face it why else would you be reading, then please, go play this game. I really can't say enough good about it. If ever a game lived up to its hype, this is the one. Now would you please go teach Zeus a lesson?

Graphics: The best of the best. Unbelievable detail combined with a smooth fps, the PS3 has reached a new level of impressiveness.
Controls: Same as you know and love from the first two games. Small additions like the ability to switch weapons and use items on the fly are a natural fit.
Story: Great dialog and voice acting along with a fantastic conclusion to an epic tale.
Multiple Play: Since the story moves at a steady pace and there is no loading screens to speak of, the replay is high. Add in unlockable costumes, the ability to use items found in the first playthrough, a challenge mode and unlockable very hard mode, you'll sink more than a few extra hours into this one.

Final Score = 98/100

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Borderlands: The RPS Savior is Born

Available On: PS3, Xbox 360, PC
Game Type: 1-4 Player Shooter/RPG
From: Gearbox Software/2K Games

As I open what seems like the 10,000th lootable container in the vast wastelands of the supposed paradise of Pandora, a trickle of disbelief crawls up my spine and breaks into a maniacal cackle. As I pick up the AR War Stomper and equip it, I take a couple shots and marvel at the accuracy, virtual lack of recoil, and excellent fire rate. As the in-game music starts thumping, I know something bad is coming. Suddenly, rocket fire hits everywhere and I jump for cover. A Bad-ass Electrified Bruiser seven levels above my current LV 39 had just popped out of a seemingly empty town and crept up on me. "Ok Stomper, time to make Bruiser paste," I think to myself. I let the first 3-shot burst go, and rack up three straight critical hits at about 700 HP a piece. I guess his name should have been Weak-ass Bruiser, because his life bar is gone, and I am speechless. Five minutes prior I thought my weapons were tops, but hey, on Pandora, you learn that something better is just around the corner.

This is really the highest drawing point for this game, the ultimate replay value based in the unheard of amount of loot. With seven different weapons manufacturers, at least eight types for each (pistols, SMGs, rocket launchers, etc.), and literally hundreds of variations on each, you will never run out of fun. I can't even convey the fun of finding that new gun and the anticipation of trying it out on the first hapless Raider or Skag to be the unlucky soul to cross your path.

That's not all you'll find on your voyage through Pandora. Countless towns with a gigantic amount of places to explore in each, I'd be surprised if you put less than 40 hours into this game. On top of that there is huge amounts of armor, grenade mods, and class mods, and you have yourself a game that let's you be you. This was one of the development teams goals wen I read about the game back in September of 2007, and they accomplished said goal in spades. You want to be a tough guy that swings fists of fury, shooting an acid spewing shotgun that launches teleporting grenades and gains an extra 20% experience? No problem. Want to be a former elite soldier with a high powered assault rifle and fire-bomb grenades with a shield that bursts a baddie-shield-draining electric bolt when drained? Go for it. The only obstacle to overcome is a desert full of Bandits and other harmful wildlife.

Which brings me to the next amazing scale of this game: the enemy types. You have the human type Bandits, Raiders, and Bruisers, all of whom will eat you alive for a measly $5 and a low level Repeater. The wildlife contains Skags, a lizard-like/dog hybrid capable of chewing up you and your arsenal in one ferocious bite. Spiderants attack in large numbers with shielded heads and a hidden weak point, while the Schythid and Rack attack similarly with less defenses. There are a couple other types, but I don't want to give it all away. Within each of these categories you'll find a plethora of differences, from the aforementioned "Bad-ass" class, usually with beefed up damage, to the elementals: a caustic Scythid, an electrified Skag, and many, many more. They all add top the immense replayability of this great game. As if the core game were not enough, Gearbox offers three downloadable add-ons for $10 a piece offering new areas, new weapons, and even a storage cache for your most prized finds.

On the downside, the graphics. Don't get me wrong, the graphics are good. But way back in the latter part of 2007 when the game was unveiled, the graphics were that of a realistic looking game, akin to Fallout 3, where the characters looked like any other game: as real as possible. The finished project showed us a cell-shaded look to the game, however. Contrary top my assertion of this down side, I still believe it was a good choice. I assume the sheer size of the game necessitated this change, as the frame rate is a smooth 60 fps throughout. And although the original graphics would have been welcome, I feel in the end it helped to give Borderlands an identity of it's own.

Another downside was the missed chance to expand in-game dialog. Most, if not all of the speaking between your character and the NPCs of Pandora come down to find, click, accept the mission. It's unfortunate there wasn't some feeling of choice outside of accept or do not accept. It would have been fantastic to say "Yes Dr. Zed, I will do this for you, but I'll need a new piece of armor instead of another Repeater and some money." This would have further separated the way we each play the game.


All in all, Borderlands is one of the best experiences I've had on a current gen console. If you like tight FPS controls, a great RPG progression element, or all out total loot-fests, this game is right up your alley. And always remember: in Borderlands, something better is always right around the next bend.

Graphics: Good and distinctive, with smooth fps throughout. However the sheer size of Pandora is in direct contest with its graphical potential.
Controls: Smooth and silky FPS. Anyone who has played a CoD should have no trouble.
Story: Not the strongest, but as with the graphics, the loot drove me to continue while inadvertently causing the story to go slow.
Multiple Play: Quite high - again, you always want more loot.

OVERALL GRADE = 90/100