Available: PS3/Xbox 360
Game Type: 1 Player Action
From: D3/Vicious Cycle Software
Eat Lead poses a big problem I see in gaming: horrible software coming to a powerful gaming platform. I'll preface the plethora of problems by saying games of this nature, positively broken, should be yanked from the market through the stringent review boards and polish teams involved in the creation process. I can understand a publisher not wanting to lose every dime they spend on a new IP, but isn't that why Betas get tested and games take years to release?
That being said, the gist of this game revolves around a would-be '80's action-game star Matt Hazard and his supposed triumphant return to glory after a slew of popular games followed by an equally unpopular run. This opening sequence is the only charm I can find in the game; the titular sequence shows Matt's star in games mocking a range from Bioshock to Mario Kart. It's amusing at first, but quickly devolves into slapstick humor and one liners where Mr. Hazard likens the size of the guns he uses to the size of his member; classy stuff Vicious Cycle, very,very clever. Speaking of one liners, a stereotypical Black-guy boss even says "Name's Sunny Tang - As in Sunny 'yo a** is gonna get kicked, and Tang as in [he makes the karate sound 'wuh-tang!'].'" If anyone can discern the meaning of this statement I'll sell my first born.
So under this flawed concept, Matt returns to video game prominence only to have his game hacked and thus ensues a mishmash of every genre imaginable: Western, Zombies, 2D Nazis, there all there, and while I expected some variation in their fighting prowess, nothing changed. The Goombas in Mario Bros. pose a much greater threat, that is when your enemies aren't shooting you through pillars and cover.
Speaking of cover, there might have well have been none. The cover system is atrocious, strike that, flat out broken. Whether you want to get into cover or jump around a corner, the opposite happens. On the off chance Matt does as he's told, the aforementioned ghost bullets hit you anyway. As I said, horrible, and completely unacceptable.
The music skips, the graphics glitch, and the textures are shady. And the lip syncing? I haven't seen any of these factors hurt a game this badly since PSone, but at least in those times these problems were acceptable.
Bottom line: stay away from this game. You'll get more laugh and far more enjoyment from stomping your millionth Goomba, not to mention more of a working challenge.
Graphics: On the Playstation 2 these graphics would have been awful. As a current generation game, it's downright atrocious. How games like this get released at the risk of tarnishing the developer and publisher's reputation is beyond me.
Controls: If the graphics are awful, the controls are garbage. Within the first minute I thought it was a great idea to have the ability to slide into cover and roll off it into the next good spot, but theory and practice have different meanings. I think broken pretty much fits the bill here.
Story: Please refer to the "wu-tang" statement made by the ludicrously stereotyped villain Sunny Tang. I will say there was a bit of charm in the picking-fun-at-other-games way, but it wore thin almost as quickly as the buggy controls.
Multiple Play: I suppose if you can make it through one play, you could play a thousand times. Then again, if you can gouge your eyes out and enjoy it, why not do it again?
Final Score: 24/100
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